ive been so lame lately. bad juju not very creative. no will to actually do anything.
it would help if i put myself more to being creative and social. to make it more of a thing, more of a habit to do creative things.
hold myself to little habits. id find the will then. idk its hard.
life is very discouraging. its all clutterd and messy and in order to do even the simplist of things i have
to clean everything outta my way. so naturally just the thought of doing anything hurts.
ive tried so desperately to make things easier to do. ive been tryna be functional since i was 15 cuz i knew it was the only
way out of this hellish white trash exsistance. but i havent had any success.
its the people around me. they undermine me. either because of stupidity or insecurity.
it is infuriating. these are the people that should want the best for me, but they bring me down, refuse to help me, and
undermine my attempts to help myself.
i just cant shake them. i can never get my head above the water. not with them pulling me down whenever i try to get out.
ive tried and ive tried but i havent exhausted every option.
if i want to overcome these people then id need to invest myself into connecting with other people. if i have good relationships with
others then id be able to rid myself of these people and get on with my life. id have the love to fuel me and access
to resorces and opportunites.
the challenge with this is that i dont have really any experience making relationships (typical genz shit). i just dont know how to
build connections. i know i can learn cuz i have been. its just a stupid painful process.
im not employed so i could make it like my job. when i know what i need to do im very determined to execute it.
and i dont have to go outside . this place is a desert anyways, nothin but food service and warehouse workers.
i have a thing against living online. id prefer to be in harmmony w/ my community, but if were in harmmony w/ my community id be ugly, grey,
miserable, and obese (probably be on meth or some?).
so even though its not ideal. the internet is the place to start.
id work on building community. finding things i want to participate in. finding ways to contribute. i can do that. if i did had to work this
is what id do.
it bothers me how much i talk about how miserable my life is. i dont like being so negative all the time. but this is wat it is for me rn.
keeping myself busy with this effort would give me better things to focus on.
hopefully one day this will just be a phase in my life and i can stop complaining about the same stupid shit.
i do know the world is going to shit and the future will be unimaginably painful. but all i want, right now at least, is people.
Sun/Aug/31/2025
Sat/Aug/23/2025
Blue Sky Sun Rise
enjoy the music while you read
think im gonna change the title from wupple bou to blue sky sun rise. because the song is the feeling of waking up early
ready for a good day. whith a heart full of hope.
it reminds me alot of Khalids first album 'American Teen'
and of my two favorite Conan Gray songs 'Idle Town' and 'The Other Side'.
reminds me when life was about spending time with your friends. and as bad as things were you still had your friends.
but now with the pressures of this declining society theres never the time or the energy.
which really sucks cuz i dont wanna be alone its just either id be harmful to associate or its just not possible.
its hell. gawd its such a bitch. why. what'd the babies do to you. UUUGHHH
yea conan grey and khalid were late middle school. kali uchis, tyler the creator. hanging out everyday after school. 100% of the summer.
i really love this music especially becasue they werent so different from me.
Conan and Khalid were only a few years older than me and theyr both from texas.
khalid was from el paso and naturally into custom cars. i actually studied autobody in HS with the hope that i could one day do
restorations and build customs so i had respect.
conan lived only a few towns over. i knew a girl who knew him. he was totally my hero back then. honestly one of the biggest influences of
my life.
to this day i still live by the idea of being as cool as you possibly can be.(be cool with yourself)
i dont care about what either of them are doing now becasue form what ive seen theyve been hallowed out by the music industry and
have been disconnected from the root of their greatness. its a pitty. but niggas gotta eat. so monkey better dance.
bruh it so goooood :'( waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa waaaaa i cry like a baby. wa.
NTS live online radio. i discovered it via this wonderful youtube video:
i thank the creator for sharing this valuable information. for helping me to ween off the poisonous drip and suffocating
hold of the youtube algorithm. for pointing me twards talented current artists and fruitful communities. thank you sir,
you've done awesome.
ive missed good radio. i used to really enjoy it as a kid. when Adel, Bruno mars and Taylor swift
were on the 97.5FM pop station.
we'd enjoy it driving around in the car or just in the house. i specifically remember mom would put it on whenever we'd do
the weekend 'sweep mop and dust' and it was such a good time.
when the radio was on it added a tint of color over the world
and we all felt it together.
but since then the radio, like all forms of main stream media, has turned into a barrage of shit. so i just turned it off and
accepted that i had lost that bit of color in my life.
honestly reflecting on it now i realize how devastating this is. the degradation of our communal music.
like its a well understood thing that frequencies affect us alot emotionally. so by pumping trite and contrived music, created under dubious
exploititive intent, we are poising the air waves with frequencies that inspire shitty feelings. essentially poising the
communal water of our shared frequencies.
like yall know how valuable sharing frequencies is. like have yall ever been in the car with someone and a song came on and yall
are both like damn we felt that. or maybe in a movie theater, you could feel how a great score on a great scene can bring a palpable
energy into the room.
music is POWERFUL yall. for good or for worse. it can make us upbeat and chipper or grey mentally hollowed zombies.
intentionally or not it is being used against us. degrading our daily experience, disconnecting us from one another, making
it easier to control us.
the defence against this would be to deny what they're tryna feed us and to get our own. to share amongst ourselves via radio,
live music, discussions and whatnot. to give ourselves solid alternatives.
yea i'll go that way. this matters.
Sat/Aug/16/2025
Dev-log: my plan to world domination
howdy.
i hope yall like the new audio player i just threw up. it took me alittle over 2 days to figure out.
mainly because i had to learn alot of new things.
its interesting to me how hard css can be. it seems so
simple at first but it can really turn into a brain fuck. id do good to study the fundamentals of how css
actually works. so i could effectively communicate what i want to do and not have to fumble around and waste
my energy.
but yea. i wanted to translate and transition the little info flag to make it swaggerous but i couldnt figure
it out. i had to move on, there are more pressing things. i'll take care of it later.
id like to make this site more social and add user interaction. comments, guestbook, idk polls or questionnaires.
i like to hear what other people think.
once i check all that stuff off my to-do list that would be my second phase complete. which is to
have a fully interactive fully flushed out blog site. where i can share things and get feedback.
after that would be the third phase. make the site more of a place to be. id have nice places for people
to enjoy, to get value from. like a magazine almost.
a big inspiration for me is the Tetragrammaton site. i enjoy watching the channels. and the integration
of all the different types of media is interesting. i think i could make it work if i had more relevant and engaging media.
thats one hell of a project though.
Wen/Aug/13/2025
I will never drink beer again
it's fine i'll just be bored and sober.
im so tired of being miserable and pissed off.
i swear im not asswhole its just im surrounded by shitty people. naturally they bring out the worst in me.
its pretty ridiculous the aversion and paranoia i’ve developed towards people. just because that's the only way
i can protect myself in my own home.
it really hurts because it makes it near impossible to reach out or find other people who won’t hurt me.
i’ve been trying to make a safe space for myself for the longest. a place where i can be creative and productively work
and hangout w/ my friends. we havent had a spot in the longest.
dude fuck climate change.
when i was a kid you could play basketball for hours at a time with in a full zip-up hoodie during the summer,
now you cant even sit outside. its ridiculous.
like texas is literally flordia now. we cant hang outside anymore i hate it.
outside is the best and they’ve gone and fucked it up cuz fucking 'money' man.
im not saying we should get rid of money but
it has totally perverted our sense of value. like there’s other forms of value.
but i guess if the powers that be degrade any other form of value it makes their currency all the more powerful. also just
cuz someone has power dont mean theyr smart. from what i understand the person willing to hurt others and themselves gets
the 'power'. ya know phyco dominating types.
julius ceasar and the roman empire couldnt conquer the blue sky.
yea im an angry little autistic thing.
yea.
im gonna try to set up a store on here. i got some cool product in storage. maybe some one might want some. idk maybe. gotta try.
i just need like $20 so i can buy a pre-sharpened card scraper. so i can finnish that backroom up and move in. yea ill get on that.
Mon/Aug/11/2025
Project Log: Pegasus
bike:
turns out i installed the chain onto the deraillure wrong.
I reinstalled it correctly, tuned it up, and now the bike runs perfectly.
it feels so good to fly down the street.
ive named the bike Pegasus. beacause he reminds me of a big white horse.
he takes me where i please
and hes made outta dreams
Fri/Aug/8/2025
Project Log
bike:
I got the new deraillure in yesterday. I installed it on the bike this morning. Fits fine and functions fine
but the chain is just a few links short. Fuck.
I was really hoping I could fix it and start riding. But no I need a new bike chain.
When I was out walking yesterday I saw a bike parked behind the plaza. I left it alone cuz it probably belonged
to somebody. I told myself if it was still there next time I came around I could use it for parts.
But it wasnt there when I went looking this morning. so I guess that means no free chain.
Im gonna have to buy a chain. Fuck.
Fern:
On the walk back home I found a beautiful fern growing in a crack in the road.
I ripped off a stem and took it home. Then I put it in a pot of dirt with some rocks at the bottom. For drainage idk.
I'll watch it for 3 weeks to see if ittle grow.
Im pretty sure it wont.
From what I read on the internet ferns are mostly propagated from their roots. Only the ferns with seeds or spores
/buds on their leaves can propagate from a stem.
I cant access the roots of the mother plant, they're under asphalt.
This isnt an experiment really. This is more a simple exersize in attention. Id like to have house plants and
the basis of that is having attention for them.
This might be a stupid exersize. I should probably get some chia seeds.
bike: